Friday, August 25, 2006

The Shat...man?

I am such a big fan of William Shatner you would not believe. He is truly a renaissance man. He can act, sing, write books and ride horses. Shatner's roasting this week on Comedy Central (in the US) has caused me to reflect on what makes him so great. I think he's great as Captain James T. Kirk (complete with toupee and lots of eye makeup - not to mention the shoddy acting), I like how he's totally made a comeback in the form of Denny Crane, and I absolutely love his singing career. Now, we've all heard "has been" - the recent album Shater did with Ben Folds (and others), but my favourite Shatner singing moments come from the 1960s-70s, when Shatner, hoping to capitalise on the publicity of Star Trek, made an album called The transformed man, including such gems as "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds", "How insensitive", not to mention his Shakespeare monologues set to outtakes of Star Trek background music! Truly Shakespearian!! My two standout favourites, two that I can never go past regardless of how often I hear them or what other Shatner works are on display, are "Mr Tambourine Man and Rocketman (that's a link to a video clip - proving once and for all that three Shatners are better than one).

Incidentally, Shatner is not the only Star Trek alumni to release an album. He is rivalled by Leonard Nimoy, who could at least almost hold a tune, but who drives up the insanity index with "The ballad of Bilbo Baggins", not to mention Nichelle Nichols (she could sing), Brent Spiner, and Tim Russ.

Anyway I'd advise all of you to get yourself a Shatner education. It's something you'll never forget.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Train etiquette part 4

I totally understand if you're sick and you're going to work. I do it frequently when I'm a little bit sick, as I'm always wanting to save my sick leave for when I'm really sick (which, by strange coincidence, always seems to happen around exam time!). So I understand if you're sick and you're on the train going to work.

What I don't understand, could never comprehend in a million years, is why so many people feel the need to spread the germs around. If you cough or sneeze, the polite (and health conscious) thing to do is cover your mouth/nose/face so that all the little germies go on your hands or tissue, not other people. Most of us get taught this when we're kids. There is nothing worse than being on a crowded train (enclosed environment) and having random people sneezing on you. I find it very hard not to flinch/look disgusted/throw their snot back at them, but my sense of public order holds me at bay. I do not enjoy being sneezed on by strangers. I have actually noticed that when people are around friends or family they are much more likely to cover their mouths or turn away than if they're surrounded by strangers - on the train, for example. Why is this? Does not knowing the person make it OK to infect them? Or is it because they will never see this person again thus never be blamed for spreading said illness?

At any rate, it is definitely one of the most horrid things about public transport, particularly in winter, and it really makes me think twice about the people I am travelling with.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The interrogation technique to selling

The scene: A typical suburban shopping centre, saturday afternoon
Us: An innocent, fresh-faced young couple, flushed with the excitement of making our house nice, out to buy a vacuum cleaner
Our Nemesis: A spotty, pimple-faced youngster, with his school shoes and trousers on, in lieu of a business suit.
The shop: Godfreys, a shop selling nothing but vacuum cleaners.

We wander into Godfreys and stare at the wall of vacuum cleaners.
Salesman (aggressive pose): What d'ya want?
Us: Uh...a vacuum cleaner?
Salesman: Oh.
Us: So, you know, if you could show us some? What would you recommend? We only want a small one, we have a small place.
Salesman: You want bags or bagless?
Us: Bagless.
Salesman: Bagless? why?
Us: Uh, so we don't have to buy bags (etc etc)
Salesman: You still have to clean the filters, you know.
Us: Yes. That's fine. Can you show us some vacuum cleaners?
Salesman: Hmmm...bagless, bagless...(he stares around at the WALL OF VACUUM CLEANERS) hmmm.....oh. Here's one.
He has picked the one the highest up on the wall, which he cannot possibly reach without help.
Salesman: Well, here's a good one. It's bagless, and small. Here's the box.
He thrusts the box at us.
Us: Hmm...seems...nice...
Salesman: Yeah, it's bagless, and it's small, and light too. You feel how light the box is?
Us: Uh, yes.
Salesman: So I'll take it back to the cashier for you then.
Us: Oh, no. What are the features and such?
Salesman: What do you need to know? It's a vacuum cleaner. It's bagless. It's small. What else do you want?
Us: We want to make sure it's good before we buy it.
Salesman: Well, we can set up a model for you to try if you like.
He reaches unsuccessfully for the display model high up on the shelf.
Us: No, it's Ok. We'll have a think.
Salesman: Well, if you're not going to buy it straight away you may as well try it.
Us: NO. It's ok.
We hand back the box.
Salesman: Well that's that then.
Us: I guess so.
Salesman: Yep.

We walk out, trying not to fall about laughing.