The Crimson Crusader

Fin

2007-04-09T17:14:00.000+10:00

So I'm really sick of writing this blog...or more to the point, I can't be bothered thinking of new things to say. So, what is better when one is sick of blogging than to start a new blog?! I'm moving to Antiques in Melbourne to write about - guess what - antique stores in Melbourne and other antique-related things (since I visit a fair few antique stores).

So change your links if you want...update your feeds...I hope to see you at Antiques in Melbourne some time!

Kitchen wishlist

2007-03-28T20:14:00.000+10:00

I don't want a perfect, designer kitchen. But seeing as I like to cook, I would like a kitchen with the following improvements to my current kitchen:
1. An oven that works.
2. A stove that is level, so all my pots and pans don't end up burnt on one side
3. Cupboards that don't ooze sap when it gets hot.
4. Benches that are high enough so I don't have to bend to my waist to chop things or do the dishes.
5. Speaking of dishes, a dishwasher would be great (but this would really be a luxury)
6. A servery that is high enough to see through when standing up, and so it's possible to pass dishes through without bending in half.
7. More than one powerpoint.
8. A window that stays open without the need of a bottle to prop it open.

In short, I want a normal, functioning kitchen, like the sort that normal, functioning people have. Nothing super flash. Just...functioning.

reference question of the day

2007-03-10T16:12:00.000+11:00

Patron: "can you recommend any films with scenes set in petrol stations?"
Me: *blank look* "ahhhh, not off the top of my head but I'm sure a lot of road trip movies would have scenes in petrol stations"
Patron: "no, I need *really important* scenes in petrol stations, you know, that are crucial to the movie"
Me: "Hmmm...I can't think of anything now but I'm happy to take your details and have a look once my desk shift is over" (we were really busy at the time)
Patron: "no. That's OK, I was just wondering"

Some parts of North Melbourne smell like dog food

2007-03-01T20:17:00.001+11:00

The dry stuff you buy from the supermarket.

That is all.

New addition

2007-02-18T15:07:00.000+11:00

Thanks to the lovely Jen at Ghoulie Babies, we have welcomed this pirate kitty into our home:

I think he is the cutest kitty ever. Not quite the real thing, but almost as good! And he has real porcelain teeth!

Tips for travelling on Connex

2007-02-12T22:16:00.000+11:00

...despite the fact that they have apparently returned to normal timetabling...

1. Work out what time you need to catch the train.

2. Aim to catch the train 30 minutes before that.

3. Get to the station, find that your train has been cancelled.

4. That's OK 'cause you're there early, so wait for the next one.

5. Get on the next one after it arrives 7 mins late.

6. Attempt to move into the train only to be pushed up against some stinky man with nowhere to stand.

7. Attempt to not fall over despite having nothing to hold onto except the ceiling.

8. Get squashed further into the train as more and more people try to get on at other stops.

9. Get off to change trains to get into the city.

10. Wait about 7 minutes 'cause that train is late too.

11. Repeat steps 5-8.

12. Arrive at work 5 minutes late.

13. Swear at Connex, particularly those annoying "Connex apologises for any inconvenience caused" announcements.

14. Rinse and repeat on the way home.

It is somewhat ironic that the day I get an SMS from Connex telling me that services are back to normal I also get about 4 SMSs telling me that trains have been cancelled in the afternoon/evening...

Meme taggery

2007-01-28T16:44:00.000+11:00

Juice tagged me for a the meme that's currently running rampant around the library blogs. I'm going to answer it, but I'm not going to bother tagging anyone else since I'm pretty sure everyone else in the world with a library blog has already answered it. That, and I'm pretty lazy. But feel free to answer it yourself it you're into the whole meme scene.

I'm meant to tell you all 5 things my blog readers don't know about me. This is tricky as some of my blog readers know me *in real life*, so I don't want to be divulging any messy secrets....

1. I love shopping at the Queen Victoria Market but I can't do it every week because I would spend all my money in the deli section. Last time I went, I came home and had a lunch of marinated octopus, Polish sausage and some olives. Apparently this isn't a healthy diet.

2. I get enormous satisfaction when the computers go down at work and I can't do anything for anyone. Although I am always outwardly apologetic for the computers, I'm secretly laughing when I say "I'm sorry, I really can't look that up for you. No, I can't do that either."

3. My TV isn't connected to the TV aerial, it's only connected to a DVD player. But we do have a cable so we can attach it when Eurovision is on - literally the only thing we watch on TV all year.

4. I am very bad at recommending books to patrons since the only fiction I read is junky crime novels. I am, however, very good at recommending to uni students which edition of Foucault's Discipline and punish is the best. I can also heartily recommend Allan Bloom's translation of Plato's The Republic.

5. Continuing on the book theme, I've read *all* of Agatha Christie's crime novels at least 3 times each and I almost always forget their endings. I think this is a good thing because it means I can read them again and again and still be surprised when the criminal is revealed.

Words to live by

2007-01-21T16:15:00.000+11:00

Don't let faux Klingons send real Americans to war.

Uhhh, yeah. And keep those Romulans out, too!

Thankyou

2007-01-10T21:44:00.000+11:00

Thankyou so much to the person who chucked a beer bottle at my train coming home tonight - it shattered the glass in the door (luckily no-one was standing in the door at the time), causing the driver to stop at Windsor station and make everyone get out because apparently they're not allowed to drive trains with busted doors or windows, or with shattered glass all over the floor of the train.

Then, thankyou particularly to Connex for cancelling the next train (10 mins later), meaning we had to wait for 20 mins for our train to arrive, which of course was absolutely packed by this stage and was not air conditioned.

Oh, did I mention it was 36 today? Thanks.

The worst thing about christmas

2006-12-19T15:08:00.000+11:00

The worst thing about christmas is not: the packed shopping centres or supermarkets (with people stocking up as if for WWIII, despite the fact the supermarket will indeed open again two days later...); it's not the fact that if you buy a real christmas tree it's guaranteed to die before christmas day; it's not even that we feel the need to roast various types of animals in 40 degree Australian heat (I'll be guilty of that one too!).

The worst thing about christmas is that suddenly you start to see otherwise sane-looking humans suddenly dressing in oversized t-shirts with christmas designs on them, with tinsel in their hair, or blinking christmas earrings. The worst thing about christmas is christmas clothes. I find them incomprehensible. We don't break out the easter egg shirts for Easter, and I've yet to see any Passover earrings. It's obvious that a lot of these people have had their shirts a while and wear them every christmas - which indicates foresight and the wish to wear this hideous clothing again and again!

Maybe I just don't enter into the whole christmas spirit enough. I can accept christmas spirit - but only so far. Christmas clothing is taking it too far.

Slackness

2006-12-12T10:18:00.000+11:00

My god, I've been so incredibly slack not posting in almost a month! Some things I have concluded during this month: 1. Library system changeovers are not as fun as your superiors would have you believe, and 2. The Public Record Office is a totally awesome place and I want to work there. It rocks. In a kind of archive-old stuff sense.

In other good news "Liberry" school is over for the summer and I have one semester to go. I am actually doing some RRResearch subjects next semester which should make a refreshing change. I am hoping the worst is behind me, although I do have a knowledge management class to do next semester which has been taught incredibly badly the last couple years. Ehh....

I have also got into the christmas spirit with a mini christmas tree with suitably tacky decorations and a big gold star on top. My plan to spray the windows with fake snow was vetoed...and of course we'll be doing the christmas-day roast - probably in about 40 degree heat!

A proper post will follow at some point...

Connex secrets revealed!

2006-11-20T22:29:00.000+11:00

So I'm a few days behind on all this, but I'm guessing that this may be part of the reason that Connex has been running late while providing no explanations.

It gives me so much comfort to know that Connex is replacing these new, unsafe life-threatening trains with the super-old met trains which were taken out of service because they were...unsafe and life-threatening....

Train etiquette part 5

2006-11-02T21:33:00.000+11:00

A big "What the hell?!" shoutout to Connex, who have seemingly forgotten how to run trains at all on the Sandringham line in the past couple of weeks. I mean, we're all used to the cancelled morning trains, delayed evening trains with no explanation whatsoever, but the last couple of weeks seem to have been particularly bad. I can usually make the 5:10pm train (from Richmond) home if there are good connecting trains round the city loop. Last week, I could have caught that train twice - if it had run. The week before, it was cancelled at least once as well. The morning trains are similarly affected. My morning train is regularly jam-packed because the train before mine is so frequently cancelled. Last friday it was so full the driver was pulling out of stations before everyone had a chance to get on, because no-one else could fit on the train. Luckily on tuesday I didn't have to catch the train, but Art of mourning did. He was 30 mins late to work after waiting on the platform for over 40mins watching trains going by in the opposite direction. I mean, we all know Connex is notoriously unreliable, particularly on the lines it inherited from M>>>train (the Sandy line being one of them), but it's just a tad hypocritical to be running ads "Don't hold others back/keep our trains on track" when they are the main culprits!

Tracking

2006-10-18T18:38:00.000+10:00

I recently bought some DVDs from Amazon.co.uk. I really like the UK amazon because for some unexplained reason they ship faster than the US amazon and charge less, too. This time, I checked the "ordinary shipping" box but for some reason when they sent the DVDs out, they upgraded me to super-fast courier-hand delivered shipping. For the normal cheap amazon.co.uk price! I was pretty excited about this, because it means I get my DVDs in 3 days (apparently) instead of 2 weeks. But the best part about all of this is that they gave me a tracking number! So now I can follow every step of their journey. So far my DVDs started in Glasgow, travelled to Edinburgh (I hope they saw all the old buildings), went to London (hope they managed to fit the British Museum in - it's free!), had to wait around at Heathrow for a bit (but don't we all), and now they're on a plane from London to Australia. I hope they have a nice plane ride, get good seats, good food, and that the movies they see are enjoyable. I'm so glad my DVDs got to see the world a little before they settle down in my house.

Personal space

2006-10-05T09:28:00.000+10:00

Yesterday a bizarre thing happened to me at work. I'm not sure if I should be horrified about this or whether I'm over-reacting. I'll tell the tale.

Yesterday it was quite warm here in Melbourne. Resisting the (obvious) temptation to wear hotpants, thongs and a singlet top (as were a lot of women I saw yesterday), I wore a t-shirt and skirt. The tshirt's sleeves were at an angle so about half the tattoo on my arm was visible. I sometimes get comments about the tattoo at work (from both staff and patrons) but mostly, it's ignored.

So I was helping a girl (who I had never seen before in my life) find some videos and I'd knelt down to show her the ones she wanted and she says "oh, that's a nice tattoo" and before I could do anything lifts up my shirt sleeve to get a better look!!! I was horrified! I don't know about her, but I usually don't want to go around touching complete strangers. I realise her move was probably well-intentioned (she just wanted to get a better look), but just because she can see the tattoo doesn't give her the right to invade my personal space.

I have other friends who are much more heavily tattooed than I am who have had random people come up to them in shopping centres and lift their shirts up to see what's underneath. So I know this does happen, but it's never happened to me before and I honestly didn't think it would, as this tattoo is fairly small and a fairly standard design. I honestly thought we'd gotten over the days of tattooed skin=public space but I guess not!

A geek odyssey

2006-09-25T20:57:00.000+10:00

Yesterday, a group of us went on a sojourn to the Astor Theatre to watch a fillum. The film in question was 2001: A space odyssey and was presented on a 70mm awesome print, and was accompanied by an introduction and Q & A session following the film by its stars, Kier Dullea and Gary Lockwood. All in all, one might think, a delightful expedition.

Well, most of it was.

The introduction was great, the film itself was great (and I'd never seen it on the big screen so doubly great), the discussion after was great. Until we got to the Q & A. The problem with these kind of sessions is while you know there are generally intelligent people sitting in the audience somewhere, they're not the ones to leap up to the microphone and then refuse to let it go. The questions ranged from "what did you eat in the final sequence of the film?" to "do you believe in aliens?" to "did you like the film?". Bloody hell. Is that the best we can do? This is probably one of the few times (if not the only time) these people are going to be in Melbourne, and these are the best questions we can come up with. I was quite embarrassed. The stars even gave hints before the movie, talking about which were their favourite scenes and saying maybe we could talk about that afterwards. Nobody asked them about the scenes they mentioned. Some of the questioners seemed to have trouble distinguishing the actors from their characters and I'm pretty sure some others thought that the entire film was fact.

I've never been to a sci-fi convention but this is the sort of behaviour I expect at them. I'm just sorry that the Q & A got hijacked by geeks.

Everybody needs good neighbours....

2006-09-12T11:16:00.000+10:00

I love where I live. I love living in Melbourne, we have a great apartment to live in in a good area. But living in an apartment block means we have neighbours. In general, I have no problem with our neighbours. They are quiet and they do the gardening. Also, they leave us alone (to the point where I don't know any of their names and no-one came to say hello when we moved in...). So these are all good things. However. One of our neighbours (the one underneath us) likes playing loud music. That's fine. I like music too! The problem is she plays it quite loud and seems to have only one CD, which is on repeat from, you know, 10-4 EVERY DAY. This CD seems to be the best of Andrew Lloyd Weber, plus other incidental popular songs (somewhere over the rainbow, I will always love you, etc), SUNG IN PSEUDO-OPERA. It's really starting to wear me down. If it were (almost) any other type of music I could deal with it. But to hear the best of Lloyd Weber, sung in opera, is slowly driving me towards insanity. Worse still, it forces me to retaliate, playing my music louder to drown hers out. I wonder whose speakers are going to give out first?

The sociology of libraries, part 6

2006-09-05T10:39:00.000+10:00

Dear library patrons:
When you ask me to waive/discount/delete your fine, for no good reason other than you don't want to pay it, and I tell you I can't do it, it means I won't do it. I am not going to get my supervisor because they will tell you the same thing. It doesn't really matter how long you try to convince me that you are an exceptional case and it's only this time and you've never had a fine before IN YOUR LIFE, you are not going to change my mind.

One thing I will do for you is hold any items so you can go out and get some money. This is as far as my generosity extends.

Why would I give you a discount anyway? It really boggles the mind.

The Shat...man?

2006-08-25T21:47:00.000+10:00

I am such a big fan of William Shatner you would not believe. He is truly a renaissance man. He can act, sing, write books and ride horses. Shatner's roasting this week on Comedy Central (in the US) has caused me to reflect on what makes him so great. I think he's great as Captain James T. Kirk (complete with toupee and lots of eye makeup - not to mention the shoddy acting), I like how he's totally made a comeback in the form of Denny Crane, and I absolutely love his singing career. Now, we've all heard "has been" - the recent album Shater did with Ben Folds (and others), but my favourite Shatner singing moments come from the 1960s-70s, when Shatner, hoping to capitalise on the publicity of Star Trek, made an album called The transformed man, including such gems as "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds", "How insensitive", not to mention his Shakespeare monologues set to outtakes of Star Trek background music! Truly Shakespearian!! My two standout favourites, two that I can never go past regardless of how often I hear them or what other Shatner works are on display, are "Mr Tambourine Man and Rocketman (that's a link to a video clip - proving once and for all that three Shatners are better than one).

Incidentally, Shatner is not the only Star Trek alumni to release an album. He is rivalled by Leonard Nimoy, who could at least almost hold a tune, but who drives up the insanity index with "The ballad of Bilbo Baggins", not to mention Nichelle Nichols (she could sing), Brent Spiner, and Tim Russ.

Anyway I'd advise all of you to get yourself a Shatner education. It's something you'll never forget.

Train etiquette part 4

2006-08-14T20:23:00.000+10:00

I totally understand if you're sick and you're going to work. I do it frequently when I'm a little bit sick, as I'm always wanting to save my sick leave for when I'm really sick (which, by strange coincidence, always seems to happen around exam time!). So I understand if you're sick and you're on the train going to work.

What I don't understand, could never comprehend in a million years, is why so many people feel the need to spread the germs around. If you cough or sneeze, the polite (and health conscious) thing to do is cover your mouth/nose/face so that all the little germies go on your hands or tissue, not other people. Most of us get taught this when we're kids. There is nothing worse than being on a crowded train (enclosed environment) and having random people sneezing on you. I find it very hard not to flinch/look disgusted/throw their snot back at them, but my sense of public order holds me at bay. I do not enjoy being sneezed on by strangers. I have actually noticed that when people are around friends or family they are much more likely to cover their mouths or turn away than if they're surrounded by strangers - on the train, for example. Why is this? Does not knowing the person make it OK to infect them? Or is it because they will never see this person again thus never be blamed for spreading said illness?

At any rate, it is definitely one of the most horrid things about public transport, particularly in winter, and it really makes me think twice about the people I am travelling with.

The interrogation technique to selling

2006-08-08T20:40:00.000+10:00

The scene: A typical suburban shopping centre, saturday afternoon
Us: An innocent, fresh-faced young couple, flushed with the excitement of making our house nice, out to buy a vacuum cleaner
Our Nemesis: A spotty, pimple-faced youngster, with his school shoes and trousers on, in lieu of a business suit.
The shop: Godfreys, a shop selling nothing but vacuum cleaners.

We wander into Godfreys and stare at the wall of vacuum cleaners.
Salesman (aggressive pose): What d'ya want?
Us: Uh...a vacuum cleaner?
Salesman: Oh.
Us: So, you know, if you could show us some? What would you recommend? We only want a small one, we have a small place.
Salesman: You want bags or bagless?
Us: Bagless.
Salesman: Bagless? why?
Us: Uh, so we don't have to buy bags (etc etc)
Salesman: You still have to clean the filters, you know.
Us: Yes. That's fine. Can you show us some vacuum cleaners?
Salesman: Hmmm...bagless, bagless...(he stares around at the WALL OF VACUUM CLEANERS) hmmm.....oh. Here's one.
He has picked the one the highest up on the wall, which he cannot possibly reach without help.
Salesman: Well, here's a good one. It's bagless, and small. Here's the box.
He thrusts the box at us.
Us: Hmm...seems...nice...
Salesman: Yeah, it's bagless, and it's small, and light too. You feel how light the box is?
Us: Uh, yes.
Salesman: So I'll take it back to the cashier for you then.
Us: Oh, no. What are the features and such?
Salesman: What do you need to know? It's a vacuum cleaner. It's bagless. It's small. What else do you want?
Us: We want to make sure it's good before we buy it.
Salesman: Well, we can set up a model for you to try if you like.
He reaches unsuccessfully for the display model high up on the shelf.
Us: No, it's Ok. We'll have a think.
Salesman: Well, if you're not going to buy it straight away you may as well try it.
Us: NO. It's ok.
We hand back the box.
Salesman: Well that's that then.
Us: I guess so.
Salesman: Yep.

We walk out, trying not to fall about laughing.

The Sociology of Libraries, part 5

2006-07-24T22:18:00.000+10:00

"Do you work here?"

This is a question I've become accustomed to while working in libraries. I guess because I am fairly young and usually wear casual clothes (jeans, docs, etc), I could easily be mistaken for a patron of the library. While shelving, both in my current library and my previous one, I have often been approached and asked if I worked there before asking me if I knew where to find a book. I always said yes (of course), but I always wanted to say something like, "nah, I'm just doing this for fun. Want to join in?".

Now, I am usually sitting behind a desk, working at a computer, and wearing (relatively) nice clothes, and people *still* ask me if I work there! Apparently I don't look authoritative at all! Today I was asked at least 3 times if I worked there, while sitting behind the desk, although people had no problem approaching me when I was out among the shelves. I was even wearing a brown cardigan!

In some ways this is a good thing - I suppose I could always say "no", and dissolve any responsibility I otherwise have. But, as it is, I fear I'll continue being asked if I work here, regardless of my locaton or attire.

Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

2006-07-19T20:33:00.000+10:00

The day after I post about uncomfortable train journeys, I have the worst.journey.ever home on the train today. Ugh. Too many people.

Train etiquette, part 3

2006-07-18T20:09:00.000+10:00

An awkward part of train travel, particularly during rush hour, is the maintenance of personal space. It's bad enough if you have a seat, as they are so close together that you inevitably brush knees, hands or arms with the person next to you. But at least you have a seat! The worst part of maintaining personal space is in the last leg of the morning journey, from Richmond and around the City Loop, where lots of people (including me) have to change trains to go around the loop. Because Connex, in their wisdom, runs half the trains direct to Flinders street, because obviously no-one from the Sandringham line needs to go around the loop in the morning.

But, I digress.

This early morning changing of trains at Richmond station leads to all sorts of mismanagement of personal space. Everyone is rushing towards the train and trying to jump in the nearest door, along with hundreds of other people. The trains get so full that people stand all the way down the aisles and pack in around the doors. People all clutch the handrails and jostle for space. Bags and coats dangle everywhere. In my opinion, the worst part is that everyone presses up against each other trying to grab an elusive piece of handrail. I try to keep as much to myself as possible, taking up as little space and ensuring my bag doesn't get bumped by anyone.

Surely train etiquette demands that we preserve a little space between us for the preservation of our own sanity? I have no problem standing up on the train, and take up very little space, so some space around me is not too much to ask. Is it?

I am a 1950s housewife trapped in a librarian's body

2006-07-12T20:33:00.000+10:00

I have been baking a lot lately. I'm not sure why. Quite frankly, my prowess in the kitchen is starting to frighten me a little. I have made cookies, cakes, puddings, more cakes, not to mention roast dinners, scrumptious breakfasts and tasty snacks. Next I will start scrapbooking and making quilts, gardening and general crafts! I have always found a peverse fascination in watching people like Martha Stewart instruct in this area, mainly because I find it so tedious and pointless. Plus, Martha seems so ruthless she is never happy, even when she is trying to show some cute little thing to add as a cake decoration. I bet she is mean to her staff.

I have always enjoyed cooking in a general way but this descent towards housewife-dom is starting to scare me a little. What if I wake up one morning, with my head all full of recipes instead of the dewey decimal system? How will my analytical mind cope with the descent into...shortbread and pie crusts? Will my brain also turn into dough? Because I am greedy, I rarely share my creations. I never bring them into work, and if I bake a cake to take to a friend's house, I usually try and take the remainder home with me. Not good etiquette, perhaps, but better for me!

Train etiquette, part 2

2006-07-09T19:46:00.000+10:00

"Congratulations on making the smart choice - travelling Connex"

This message is occasionally flashed up on the signs at the end of train carriages, which normally display information about which station we are approaching. This notice really irritates me because it creates the illusion that I have choice about my public transport and that there are multiple companies I can choose from to fulfil my public transport needs. The truth of the matter is, of course, that Connex now owns all of the metropolitan Melbourne train lines, so if I want to catch the train into the city, I have no choice BUT to use Connex. So my choice definitely isn't a choice - and I would say isn't even a choice, since there are no alternatives.

I deem this a train etiquette issue because it shows just how much contempt Connex has for its customers - it knows there are no alternatives and that it can do whatever it likes (cancel or reroute trains, ALWAYS running late) and people still have to use it to get to work because there is no alternative.

It's easier being green

2006-07-03T23:25:00.000+10:00

Logo and background by 1888 / Art of Mourning, html destruction by me, html restoration by 1888/Art of Mourning...

The Sociology of Libraries, part 4

2006-07-03T20:42:00.000+10:00

Whenever I say I work at a library, the standard response I get is, "oh, that must be very interesting". I usually agree, say how I enjoy it, and so on...then there's an awkward pause, and without fail, no matter who I'm talking to, will say something like "there was this one time when I had a fine at my local/university/state library, 'cause they said they couldn't find a book, but I knew I'd returned it, and then they wouldn't believe me, but I knew I'd returned it". Or something about disputed fines, or how they couldn't find what they want, and so on. I am curious as to why people feel the need to tell me arbitrary stories about their bad experiences of libraries particularly as they're always libraries I've never heard of, or definitely have no connection with whatsoever. If someone tells me they're a doctor, I don't tell them bad stories about going to the doctor, or how they didn't tell me what I wanted to hear. Why is it that people only tell me bad stories about libraries? Are libraries really that bad? It always strikes me as an odd response to their original statement that working in libraries is interesting. Why do libraries invite such criticisms? What is it about this career that people feel the need to comment on? The main thing that irritates me is that they're such arbitrary stories. If they actually meant something, I would be more patient in listening to them, but listening to complaints about problems with libraries which have nothing to do with me, and that usually occurred at least 1 year ago, tries my patience beyond belief. Particularly as it keeps happening more and more!

no TV and no internet make Crimson Crusader something something...

2006-06-29T23:34:00.000+10:00

You know it's the end of the line when I'm quoting from the Simpsons. Anyway, just a quick post to say that equilibrium has been restored with the installation of the internet (in the form of broadband, no less) at our house. Hooray! Now we will never have to talk to each other again, and can instead sit in separate rooms shouting to each other randomly. It's going to be great. So apologies (again) for the lack of posts, but they will be much more regular from now on.

In other news, my plan to ascend the library ladder (HA!) is working like a charm, with a recent "promotion" (if you will, I'm not sure if I will) to a different department. Now I get to do Kraaazy Kataloguing (well, you know it's crazy when I'm doing it!), but not all the time, thank goodness. The scary thing is, I'm rather enjoying it. Kill me now, before I graduate and become a cataloguer full time.

Exam techniques

2006-06-19T20:43:00.000+10:00

First of all, sorry about the lack of posting. I've been both moving and exam-ing, and believe me, the exams were more painful than the move. But now both are finished so I am free to talk about exam technique. Other people's exam techniques have always fascinated me. I don't mean actual techniques for passing an exam, like, you know, studying, or cheating, or whichever takes your fancy. I'm talking about coping techniques for getting through the 2 or 3 hours you have to sit there.

I don't fuss much over exams. I go in, scribble madly for 2 hours, and leave. I never take any food in but I do usually have a bottle of water. I have lots and lots of pens. But that's as far as I go in the exam room. Last week, in a 2 hour exam, I was amused to see a girl with a full thermos of coffee on her desk, which she poured cups of coffee from every few minutes. In a three-hour exam the week before, someone had brought what looked like their whole lunch in, including sandwich, drink and fruit for after. This seemed to me a bit excessive. The exam was over by 12.30. Surely you can wait til then to have lunch? Personally, I would be worried about spending too much time eating, drinking or pouring to properly concentrate on the exam, or that I'd run out of time. But apparently other people don't have these worries.

The other eternal mystery of exams is where the Invigilators come from. First of all, the word "invigilator" is really funny. I'm going to prove that by using it as many times as possible in this paragraph. For the uninitiated, invigilators are the old men and women who supervise the exams, hand out exam papers, and that kind of thing. They have funny badges which say "Hi! I'm invigilator..." and then their name. Who wants to spend whole days supervising students? Don't they have anything better to do? The main issue I have with invigilators is if you do ask them for something, they never bring what you want. And it takes them 10 minutes to not bring you what you want. Ask for another script book, you'll get a glass of water after the exam has finished. Ask for a glass of water, you'll get a tissue. If you ask for a tissue, they'll probably show you where the toilets are. Observing the politics between the invigilators is also funny. Last week, on invigilator was obviously not impressed with the speed of which another invigilator was collecting exams. She muscled in and started collecting exams at a very fast speed, but seemed to have forgotten she was meant to be making announcements as well. The result: we sat there for an extra 5 minutes until she told us we could go. Finally, I wonder where invigilators go between exam periods (ie most of the year). Do they display their invigilator badges proudly, and show them off to all their friends? Or do they store them secretly, biding their time before they can next break out the invigilator badge? Heavy issues, indeed.

"I used to play the clarinet"

2006-06-08T10:52:00.000+10:00

I used to play the clarinet. Actually, I played it for a number of years, and in the process received a general classical music education, and music theory thrown in for good measure. People are sometimes surprised when I display this (somewhat arbitrary) kmowledge, and I explain it by saying that I used to play the clarinet.

The strange thing is that the most common reply I get is "yes, so did I". I've come to the conclusion that EVERYONE used to play the clarinet, forced to learn by parents or schools. I'm not sure why schools choose clarinet to learn above anything else - it's not that easy to begin (flute or saxaphone are easier), you make horrible noises on it for about a year, then you do OK for a while, and you reach a plateau much earlier than you do on flute or sax, where you feel you're not making any progress for ages. Personally, I think that masses of bad-sounding clarinets (I do have fond memories of playing in my school's band) are one of the worst things to come out of almost compulsory musical instrument learning that schools seem to employ these days.

The clarinet has thus become the much maligned school band instrument. From the replies "yes, so did I", it's clear that schools aren't working hard enough to keep their students playing the clarinet after they leave. But I think the problem is forcing kids onto an instrument they don't like just because it's more accepted as a beginner's instrument than some of the harder ones.

I feel sorry for parents who have to sit through their children's renditions of the second movement of Mozart's Clarinet Concerto, or anything clarinet by Weber (there's a lot) wishing they'd got their children to take up nicer sounding instruments, such as percussion perhaps, or the french horn (!). But I can't help thinking they've brought it on themselves, at least just a little.

Train Etiquette, part 1

2006-06-02T09:45:00.000+10:00

Train Etiquette is an important issue, I think. After all, complete strangers are all stuffed into a small space, with little room to breathe, let alone move. Personal space is a must in this situation. I've decided to make a bit of an ongoing series regarding train etiquette as it's an ongoing issue. What I would like to talk about today are the people who take their shoes off in the train. This happens more frequently than you might think, even though winter has now officially arrived, and more and more people are wearing boots or thick shoes to work. When you are wearing sandals, it's pretty easy to slip them off and makes little difference to the people around you, since it's not like you were wearing socks in the first place. But now it's winter, people are pulling off their boots, and sometimes their socks as well, and airing their feet on the train. This mostly happens during the evening rush hour, when trains are stuffed full of people anyway, and the trains are all stinky from being used all day. So it's extra nice when people peel off their super sweaty socks and let their feet funk mingle with the other stinky smells.

I can't really understand why people do this. I mean, I do, and it's obviously related to the uncomfortableness of their shoes/socks combo that they've chosen to wear. I don't have much sympathy for this. If you are wearing such uncomfortable shoes that you can't even wait until you get home to take them off, you probably shouldn't wear them to work all day! I think if you've made that decision, you should suffer in silence until you reach home. The other, also unattractive, option, is to carry a pair of sneakers and change before you leave work. This was very popular about 5 years ago, and there's less people doing it now, but it is one option. The other option, is to choose shoes that are actually comfortable enough to survive a whole day's work in!!! It is possible to buy stylish shoes which are actually comfortable! Particularly for work! I don't understand why people buy shoes specifically for work that are too uncomfortable to wear. And I certainly think that train etiquette demands that you have the good sense to keep your shoes on until you arrive home, and keep your smelly feet to yourself.

It's not that easy being green

2006-05-30T21:40:00.000+10:00

Stay tuned for a redesign of el blog. I like green and all, but realised the other day that the green template that blogger supplied rather burned the retinas. Hopefully I can persuade the resident designer to knock me up a logo.

Speaking of green, when in the US recently we saw the original Kermit the Frog in the Smithsonian Museum, Washington DC. He was very cute, but quite small and a little mangy. I was glad he was behind glass because I thought I'd catch something off him!

Waiting outside Flinders Street

2006-05-25T20:55:00.000+10:00

In Melbourne, one of the main train stations in the city is Flinders Street station. It's a big interchange point and you can get off and get trams and buses from there too. Most trains either start or end their routes at Flinders Street. The point is there's a lot of trains going in and out of Flinders Street. This sometimes means that trains have to wait just outside the station for other trains to leave the station before they can pull in. Theoretically, that's not meant to happen, but we all know that Connex isn't perfect. That's not the point of this post, although I vehemently agree with others that Connex needs to shape up in a big way. Anyway, my point is that I am ALWAYS on the train that has to wait outside Flinders Street. I guess I should be annoyed by this but I'm more amused than anything. I'm lucky I work in a job that isn't too over the top and my boss doesn't go crazy if I'm 5 minutes late sometimes.

Why am I always on the train that waits to let others past? It doesn't seem to matter what line I'm on, what time of day it is (it happened to me today in the middle of the day - hardly rush hour!), if it's an express train or not, what my destination is. It's always my train. Sometimes I have to wait to allow multiple trains through, showing just how important my train really is. Why is this? The logical answer is that it's a coincidence, and it shows how dodgy Connex is and how many of their trains are late or delayed. I'd like to think there was something else going on. I'm all for conspiracy theories!

Eurovision 2006

2006-05-22T09:52:00.000+10:00

I can't tell you how much I love Eurovision. I watch it every year religiously. Apparently Ausralia is one of the few countries to have a significant Eurovision following outside of the countries who perform. I guess Australians are drawn towards camp and bad taste! One thing I love about Eurovision is no matter how much it is parodied, or parodies itself, there are still moments where I stare at the screen in utter bewilderment, trying to figure out 1. what is going on and 2. why they thought it was a good idea. Like the recreation of Aristophanes' The Birds with people actually dressed as birds flapping around the stage. As Terry Wogan pointed out, there was no mention of Bird Flu here. Terry Wogan is of course another reason I love Eurovision. He's a well known Eurovision institution which, until recently, was not heard by Australians due to SBS's need to put their own commentator in. While I loved Des Mangan introducing weird cult films late at night on SBS, he never really cut it for Eurovision. So it's good to hear Terry again. The other great thing about Eurovision are the terrible hosts who always seem to be talking over the top of each other or having awkward silences. It's true Eurovision gold.

Last night I was overjoyed that Lordi won. They are a death metal group from Finland who performs with monster costumes, and I was going for them. The best part about their act was that apparently whoever funds the Finnish Eurovision entry said they didn't know if they could fund the pyrotechnics which usually accompany Lordi's act. So there was a grassroots funding campaign so that Lordi got their pyrotechnics. I love this, because the Finns obviously understand the need to have pyrotechnics on a large scale with their death or heavy metal. Apparently the funding campaign was organised through two of the biggest heavy metal festivals in Finland, leading to the conclusion that there are multiple heavy metal festivals in Finland!

My second favourite entry, "We are the Winners/of Eurovision", from Lithuania also scored highly, so it's good to see that at least some europeans have a sense of humour about Eurovision.

Anyway, I am looking forward to next year's competition in Finland, and to see the response from other countries who will try and copy Lordi's act next year. Should be an absolute hoot!

The Da Vinci...

2006-05-18T17:06:00.001+10:00

I've tried very hard not to write about That Book or That Author, because most of you have heard my rants, and the only thing that's changed is there seems to be more stupid people than I ever thought, given the soaring sales with books.

So.

The only thing I am going to say is...The movie sucks. It is already rotten. My favourite quote is that it's "Retarded, ridiculous and crushingly dull". That makes me laugh.

Maybe I am a bad person, but this makes me quite happy.

The Sociology of Libraries, part 3

2006-05-14T16:35:00.000+10:00

I've noticed that the more irritated I am about answering someone's question, the more helpful I become. Take last friday, for example. I was rostered until 6pm, and bang on the dot of 5pm I was suddenly inundated with questions (most of them along the lines of, "how does the Dewey Decimal System Work/Where is my book?"). The more people who lined up to ask me questions (yes, there was a line!), the angrier I became. However, instead of answering with shorter and shorter replies, I became excessively helpful, explaining the mysteries of Dewey, recommending other books and telling them to look on our webpage. Why is this? I think it's down to guilt. I feel guilty about feeling angry so I'm extra nice. Does that make any sense? Why do I have guilt about library patrons? This is all wrong!!!

In a related note, it probably means if you run into me and I'm being super nice and helpful, I probably really want to slap you and tell you to go away.

Copping a Freebie

2006-05-09T21:44:00.000+10:00

I should begin with the usual apologies about not updating sooner - as usual the hideous libAIRy course got in the way with time consuming, arbitrary assignments...So sorry. Anyway...

I was happy when I started working in the city because it meant I got off at a central station (so no changes or going all the way into the city and back out again - you have to love Melbourne public transport!!) and there are lots of trains going there during rush hour so it doesn't take me very long to get into the city. However, I have discovered another benefit to working in the city that never occured to me. During the rush hours, people stand outside the station giving out samples of stuff to commuters. By stuff, I mean all sorts of stuff. So far, I've been given perfume and deoderant samples (they mostly go straight into the bin), moisturiser, shampoo, cereal, and tea. Being the poor student that I am (I can't stres the "poor" part enough), I take advantage of all these samples to wash my hair, eat my breakfast and make my tea, at least from time to time. Sometimes this works out very well, such as washing my hair with the shampoo samples. Other times, it's not so good, like the hideous tea I was given which was mint flavoured green tea, made with both synthetic mint flavour and synthetic green flavour. It was disgusting, and I've sampled a fair few teas in my time! My latest sample (that I was given today) is a little tub of body lotion. It seems fairly harmless so I will try it out.

I should also note that the obvious point of giving out these samples is to entice people to buy these new products. I should also note that I have never changed my buying habits to incorporate these new items, although these samples give me several pointers about what to avoid!

Memo to fashionistas

2006-05-03T17:17:00.000+10:00

Dear people who are currently walking around Melbourne looking all fashionable with skin-tight jeans, tops and thongs/sandals/slipons/toeless shoes of some kind:

It looks silly wearing thongs on your toes when you are wearing a giant jumper on your top half. You look like desperate fashion students, rather than people who know how to dress themselves. It is now May. It is definitly time to put those thongs away. It looks silly and you will probably get frostbite.

Graffiti and trains

2006-04-28T17:35:00.000+10:00

I think I have decided to make "the Sociology of Libraries" an ongoing series, because I have way more than 3 things to talk about, but I don't want to turn this into a fully fledged library blog. There are enough library blogs as it is, and most of them are better than mine. So you will have to stay tuned for more library goodness in the future. Instead, I'm going to talk about graffiti.

I have always enjoyed catching the train into the city because of the great graffiti that lines the walls of the stations, particularly from about Glenferrie station in. I know a lot of people hate graffiti, and I don't agree with tagging private property, but I think that public property, such as areas around train stations, are fair game. Quite frankly, I'd rather see some nice art than stare at brick walls. The reason I enjoy looking at it is because it's so bright and colourful, and new pieces are constantly being done so it never looks old. Also, from a completely non-technical, non-artistic point of view, I admire the skills required to complete a complicated piece, not only in terms of being able to control the spraycan but also to have the design in their head and being able to complete it relatively quickly.

My favourite piece of graffiti used to be at Burnley station, and it was a blue/green dragon type thing, which was quite large and superbly done. It stayed around for a number of years (artists don't paint over things they admire) but finally was replaced with something else. At the moment my favourite piece is outside Chatham station (further out than usual for graffiti goodness!) and it depicts a full Alice in Wonderland scene, including Alice playing croquet with a flamingo (I think it was) and the Queen of Hearts. It takes up a whole wall and is very very cool. Another piece I like is in one of the tunnels leading into Flinders street and is a giant "SDM" which is all coloured yellow. I like this simply because it is so big and I am amazed they were able to finish it before being discovered!

I'm not a huge fan of plain tags, though. They're not as pretty. But if you have ever caught the train anywhere in Melbourne, you've probably seen the name "Stanley Bonez" tagged - usually in white paint, often very big and in difficult places - tops of buildings etc. He's been around as long as I can remember. Apparently the police recently caught up with Stanley Bonez, who, it turned out, wasn't the glamourous dashing man we all thought he was - instead he was a 40 something year old still living with his mother. Oh well. In conclusion, graffiti can sometimes be good and certainly liven up dead spaces like train stations. And we should all admire the skill it takes to create brilliant pieces like the Alice in Wonderland scene.

Happy Birthday

2006-04-24T18:43:00.000+10:00

Today is my boyfriend's birthday, so here are some pics of things he likes:

Dracula!!

Mourning Jewellery!!

Sherlock Holmes!!

And here is a haiku I composed for the occasion:

True love is when your
Boyfriend gives you his iPod
When you forgot yours

Happy Birthday!

The Sociology of Libraries, Part 2

2006-04-23T14:47:00.000+10:00

In my library we have return chutes so that people can return books without having to come into the library. There's three chutes - two are for books and one for AV. They're clearly marked. These chutes lead into the returns area where we put a book bin under each chute. I just wanted to set the scene.

Because there are two chutes for books, you would think that book returns would get distributed evenly between the two chutes. However, this is far from the case! For some reason, most people use the middle chute to return their books even though there is a perfectly good chute right next to it too. While this doesn't really matter during the day, it does make a difference over things like the Easter weekend, which, when I went in to clear the returns on Monday, meant that the middle chute was completely packed and the one next to it had some books in it, but less the half of the other one.

Why is this? Why are people drawn to the middle chute? Are they trying to outguess other returnees who may put their books in the chute closest to the stairs leading to the library? Are they compulsively drawn to the AV chute and this is the next best thing? They can't see how many books are in each bin (if they did, they might change their minds), and there's nothing to guide them except for the (identical) signs telling them where to put books or AV.

Because I've noticed this, it's really annoying me. Everytime something is returned though the middle chute I want to run out and ask them why they've used this chute. I'm convinced now that there's some sort of conspiracy between staff and patrons, which I'm not yet privy to, about the use of the middle chute. The other option is that it is completely arbitrary and I'm reading far too much into the whole situation. I'm (almost) happy to admit that this is the case, but it won't stop my curiosity and increasing irritation at the lack of a better explanation!

The Sociology of Libraries (Part 1)

2006-04-19T17:32:00.000+10:00

Welcome to this, the first of 3 parts dealing with the sociology of libraries. I know that the heading sounds like a PhD topic (definitely not mine, though!), but don't be scared! I'm just going to discuss some little quirks I've noticed while on the job.

I am blessed to work in an industry where we get heaps of public holidays and are not pressured into working over long weekends and things like that. You'd think, therefore, that I spent the Easter holiday lounging on a deck chair somewhere, eating chocolates, without a care in the world. But no! The lure of increased pay persuaded me, as it does every year, to work on Easter Monday and reap the (financial) rewards. Actually, I usually volunteer to work as many public holidays as is humanly possible. I think it's pathalogical. Anyway, I went in for a short shift on monday when the library was open for much shorter hours than usual. It was absolutely chaotic and everyone was run off their feet, 'cause apparently a good section of the population didn't understand that monday was a public holiday and that they really don't need to use the library that bad.

But I digress! What I actually wanted to talk about was my horror, shock and disgust I felt upon walking into the returns area and finding that NOT ONE TROLLEY had been emptied on the previous open day (Thursday, I think) and that, not only did I have overflowing returns chutes, but I had to clear all the trolleys to begin with!! I know who the culprit was on the thursday, but don't know whether I should say anything or not. I am very careful at the end of my shifts to clear all the trolleys (well, one or two books is fine, but not a completely stocked trolley) and make sure all the holds are put away. I am obsessive about this. I feel it's my duty to the poor soul who comes in early the next morning. Also, I like things to be tidy.

I am debating what I should do. Did this person leave the trolleys out of ignorance, or was it a malicious attempt to undermine my public holiday glory? In any case, I spent the entire time run off my feet so I definitely earnt my money. I am unsure of the etiquette of the situation - maybe I am the only one who diligently clears trolleys? You would think this would teach me not to work on public holidays but I can almost guarantee that next Easter, I'll be back, slaving away next to the return chutes.

Where's My Space Age?

2006-04-15T11:33:00.000+10:00

I was putting away books in my library the other day, when I came across one entitled Where's My Space Age?. The book is actually a design reference for 1960s space-age design stuff, and is beside the point. But it got me thinking. Where is my space age?

As a child, I seem to recall promises of space flight, colonies on the moon, and general assumptions that we'd be all living off nuclear power and driving hovercrafts to work. Certainly, if you look at any of the decent sci-fi series, we're already falling behind their timelines! In Star Trek, for example, the 1990s saw the great explosion of genetic engineering, leading to the expulsion of the genentically-enhanced dictators who had taken over the world (including your favourite, and mine, Khan). None of this has happened yet! Or maybe it has and we just don't know it....

What I loved the best about this vision of the future were the little things, designed to make everyone's lives better. My personal favourite was the hovercraft. I love the idea of being able to drive over any surface to travel around. And think about it. It makes sense. Think of all the congestion problems that would be solved, and parking would be so much easier!

On a related note, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would always answer something along the lines of "well, at least 50% of the jobs that will be around when I'm grown up haven't been invented yet, so I can't tell you" (yes I was a smartearse kid - that may surprise you!). Instead, I'm working to be a librarian, in a library full of books (not even books on some futuristic format!), and I don't even have a wacky robot sidekick to keep me company! We have a long way to go, people!

A Small PS

2006-04-15T11:29:00.000+10:00

Just to refresh your memories, here is a picture of the melbourne central clock in all its glory...

I should also apologise the dodginess of the picture (the best that Google Images could do for me) and also note the historical signifcance of the pic - Daimaru has been dead and gone for many years now!

The Melbourne Central Clock

2006-04-11T10:20:00.000+10:00

First of all, let me apologise to all my readers (all one of me!) for not updating sooner. Time flies when you're...spending a rediculous amount of time writing pointless essays for a pointless course. Anyway. Onto the fun stuff.

I'm sure everyone has seen the abomination that is the clock in the middle of Melbourne Central. You know, the one that every hour opens up and sings "Waltzing Matilda" and scary animatronic animals move around? I thought that in the latest series of renovations, they would get rid of the clock forever. Obviously I was mistaken. But I was also mistaken in thinking it was a hideous disgusting thing with no appeal to anyone at all. This is very surprising!

I have noticed, while running to the train at 5pm, or arriving in the city at 4pm, that there are people poised with cameras to catch the clock. Not just one person. Several people. All with state of the art cameras, and new shiny guidebooks. In short - Tourists! They can't actually think it's good, do they? I keep expecting them to walk off in disgust, once again let down by those wacky people at Lonely Planet, or Fodder's, or Let's Go. But no! They stay until the end, videotaping the whole thing.

I guess I'm just giving the tourists (and the general public) much more credit than they deserve. I was a tourist myself recently, and I certainly would not have stopped for the equivalent of the Melbourne Central Clock. It was ugly when they first put it up (I don't even remember when that was) and it is bizarrely out of place in the refurbished Melbourne Central. I guess, though, if the tourists keep staring at it, they'll keep it up. Maybe even start charging to see it. I just hope they're all staring in horror.

Librarian tidiness

2006-04-04T21:19:00.000+10:00

One stereotype of people who become librarians is that they are obsessively neat and fixated on filing systems. At least to some degree I belive this is true. While I'm not obsessively neat, all my books and cds are in alphabetical order by author/artist/band and then in chronological order by date of publication. And I do think my mind is obsessively neat even if the rest of me isn't. A lot of other librarian types I know are also obsessive about filing and so forth, too. I always thought that the career of librarian attracted people interesting in this type of stuff because a good part of the job is about filing, categorising and recalling information from specific categories. So yeah, I always thought that this particular job attracted a certain personality type.

Apparently this is not the case! I've been into several uni libraries recently to use their librarian book section (025 if anyone's counting) and in every single one, the entire section is in complete dissaray! Books are all over the place, on the ends of shelves, backwards and certainly not in any type of (Dewey) order. I am horrified at this development! If library student can't keep their section in order, what hope do we have for other sections populated by notoriously messy students?! Actually it's kind of scary to think that librarian students can't follow the dewey decmimal system...

Anyway you'll be pleased to know that your friendly library fairy (ie me) felt the need to put the section in order (even at uni libraries not my own!) so they should be in order for the next day or two, should any of you intrepid readers wish to avail yourselves of this section! I feel I'm fighting a losing battle. Am I the last of the great obsessive librarians?

Kids and Trains

2006-04-02T21:07:00.000+10:00

I'm not a huge fans of kids (some of you might know that...) and I'm really not a fan of kids in public places. Like trains, for example. But however much I must hate the kids, I have to at least acknowledge that their behaviour is not really their fault. I have to blame the parents. The worst type of parent are the ones who smile indulgently at their kids, and you, if you accidentally catch their eye, while their spawn crawl over seats, kick your knees (oh yes) and scream at the top of their voices while going through under a tunnel, through a station, when the doors open, or any other general time. I never know if the parents are actually oblivious to the commotions of their child (having become immune after living with the child), if they don't think their child is doing anything wrong, or if they think that trying to control their child is worse than letting them run wild. And why any parent would try to include anyone else in their adoration of their child is quite beyond me. While it might be fun for the parents to allow other people to 'watch' their kids while climbing over seats, on the floor, on other peoples' bags etc etc, it's not so fun for the rest of the commuters, regardless of how much they personally may love kids. For me, I'm all for isolation and segregation of children. Give them their own trains with nice comfy seats, toys to play with and endless supplies of snacks. The parents could have their own carriage, safe in the knowledge that the entire train is child-proof, sanitary and safe. Actually, I'm not that concerned about what happens to kids and public transport, as long as they're not near me. Or within hearing range. Or kicking range. Because one day soon I'm going to snap and start pushing the kids off the trains. Or maybe I should go for the parents??!

Volunteers and trains

2006-03-28T22:00:00.000+11:00

First of all, apologies for not updating sooner. I usually do it from work but last night the internet was down all night. Yes, at a library. All night. I think the staff were angrier than the patrons... anyway...

I would just like to say - hurrah for the end of the Commonwealth Games! At least I can get a seat on the train (sometimes), instead of being elbowed out of the way by some blue-shirted volunteer. So it was with great relief that I boarded the train yesterday expecting a quiet journey into work. Instead, I was confronted with the horrifying sight of an entire carriage of blue people all smugly taking up the seats. Of course, I thought, it's the day after the end of the Games, so there's probably some thankyou thing on in the city (which I'm sure most people know but I don't really pay attention to those things). But again today there were blue shirted people on the train! And they still have the same smug attitudes despite not really being volunteers anymore. I think it's time to give it a rest. I never felt they were special, and while those blue shirts are...blue, they're not that flattering. So my advice is, if you see a blue-shirted volunteer, you have two options. 1. Scream in their face that the games are over and you weren't that special or 2. Burn their blue shirt (while they are wearing it) to fully bring home the point that the games are over.

Serial Killer Train Voice

2006-03-23T10:23:00.000+11:00

Usually, I catch the friendly Connex-owned Belgrave/Lilydale line. But sometimes I catch the Sandringham line, and soon I think I will permanently be on the Sandringham line (or tramming to work insead - the horror!). The Sandringham line, while currently owned by Connex, used to be part of the M> Train network, and there's one big difference between the Connex trains and the former M> Trains. Both trains have announcements which give the next stop and if you need to change to swap lines or whatever. The Connex computer voice is nice (female), friendly, and has an Australian accent without sounding like a bogan. The M> Train voice sounds like it wants to kill you.

It's not just the low tones of this (female) voice. It's not just the fact that it sounds more like a computer than the Connex one does. It might be a combination of these things but the scariest thing is that it has a pseudo-English accent and speaks almost in a monotone. Think Hal, but female and English and you get the general idea. I am fully expecting one day for it to say "Now approaching Richmond station. No one is getting off. I cannot allow that to happen" and then the train driver will get pushed off the train and we'll go on a merry ride somewhere with the crazy computer in charge. The strange thing is that Connex has left this voice on the new trains too, where the better speakers mean you really think that the end is nigh. I'm all for computers to express their personality but the combination of serial killer computer and that it's on a train makes me a little uneasy. If I suddenly go missing, at least you'll know what's happened to me.

Too good to be true

2006-03-20T21:25:00.000+11:00

Inside the (female) toilets at Melbourne Central (the ones just outside the station), the sharps containers are apparently serviced by a company called Sweeny Todd. You can't make this stuff up!

Meanwhile, in the fine tradition of crazy people are attracted to me, I was approached by two Mormons while trying to eat my lunch today. They wouldn't leave me alone! I told them I had seen the Mormon temple in Washington DC and that it was one of the scariest things I had ever seen. The sad thing was, I wasn't lying to them to make them go away. It is one of the scariest things I have ever seen. Luckily a homeless guy latched onto them so they went away with him. I don't know who I felt sorrier for, the Mormons or the homeless guy!

Eerily Accurate

2006-03-16T21:51:00.000+11:00

Upon taking the test "What Kind of Postmodernist Are You?"

You are a Revisionist Historian. You are the Clark Kent of postmodernists. You probably want to work in a library or in social services. No one suspects you of being a postmodernist... until they read your publications!

TV Ads I hate

2006-03-14T10:33:00.000+11:00

There are 2 very similar ads on TV at the moment, which use the same form, same voiceover and same language. Really, I think different states should talk to each other before embarking on such similar ad campaigns. One of these ads is for Western Australia, the other for the Ghan train trip. Both ads talk about the "real Australia", show various images and encourage us to get back to our roots, as it were. As a side note, let me just say that neither of these ads appeal to me. I have no interest on sitting on a train for days and days and looking out my window and seeing...well, nothing really. Train trips are not as glamourous or as fun as they're trying to make out. And as for Western Australia, I don't have anything against it, but nor do I have any kind of pressing desire to get anywhere near it.

But what I really wanted to talk about was the voice overs used for these ads. That gravelly, blokey "real Australia" with broad aussie accent with hint of actor's training in there. While I'm happy that at least a couple of aussie blokes are getting steady voice over work, it's rather sad that our ads haven't changed at all in the last 20 years at least. Of course, the master of the aussie bloke voice was the guy who voiced the VB ads for all those years (you know the one: "You can get it shootin'/you can get it rootin'/you can get it groping a cow/Matter of fact, I've got it now!" or something similar...). He was such a master that after he died in the late 80s, they kept using his voice, first from snippets and offcuts and later through digital means.

My point is, why can't Australian tourism people think up better ads?! Especially if you are appealing to a national audience. Although I'm sure it says something about our current national psyche if these are the ads which appeal. So next time you see these ads, marvel at the vocal skils required to produce such a challenging accent! Cheer the marketing gurus who thought these campaigns! But please, spare a thought for the original VB man and his genius.

Preparation for the Commonwealth Games

2006-03-09T16:20:00.000+11:00

The government's preparation for the Commonwealth Games leaves me in disbelief. I realise I'm not the only one to mention this, but when the official government advice for using public transport during the games is, well, not to use it, I think we have some problems. For those not in the know, the official government advice is to avoid travelling in peak hour to and from the city, so, you know, ask your boss if you can work from home or change your working hours. This is insanity! I hope the government is giving all its employees time off during the games (maybe that's how they're going to fill all the empty seats during the Opening Ceremony), but certainly my employeer is not so generous. Something about having to have a library open at reasonable hours, so people can use it....or something... Apparently it's also going to be a law during the games that you can't loiter on the steps of Flinders St station (to allow more people to stream out of the station and straight into their games venues...) - so I gues the goths will have to find a new temporary home.

Meanwhile, to allow the ridiculous baton to do its thing (whatever that is...), they have already started blocking roads off in all areas. Their advice - don't drive, take public transport instead! Sheer insanity.

While it would be very nice to be able to work from home, and not move out of my house for the next two or so weeks, it would be even nicer if they conceded that Melbourne's public transport system is not up to scratch, and could do with an overhaul. It would have been nicer if it had received an overhaul in time for the games. As it is, I will be squished onto a train next week, with millions of other people, not filled with uplifting joy of seeing my favourite athlete participate in an obscure sport, but instead filled with murderous rage at having to share my already overcrowded morning train with even more people, on my way to regular employment.

A Sorry State of Affairs

2006-03-06T21:05:00.000+11:00

I do despair a little (well, a lot), when a lecturer in my library course says libAIRian instead of libRarian, and put's her apostrophe's in the wrong place on assignment's. Doesn't a PhD mean anything anymore?

Keeping fit, the best way I know how

2006-03-03T19:08:00.000+11:00

I've tried many types of exercise over the years. Keeping fit, and the process of exercising, isn't one that appeals to me in any way. So I have tried swimming (my favourite), bike riding, running, walking, and so on. The gym is out of the question, I'm afraid. I think I am politically opposed to gyms.

Luckily for me, then, that I've just returned to my best, and most effective, form of exercise: the mad sprint n the morning to the train station so you're not late for work. I had a particularly fast walk this morning - a walk that normally takes 20-25 minutes took me about 12. You could view this as a shocking indictment about how late I run in the mornings. I prefer to see it as my fitness level improving so I can do this walk in 12 minutes without dying along the way!

This form of fitness has the added bonus (at least for me) that I can be excruciatingly self-righteous towards people who do no exercise without having to make that much of an effort myself to actually "get fit". Best of both worlds, really.

The Crazy Guy Always Sits Next To Me

2006-02-28T20:35:00.000+11:00

I've been a public transport user for years and years now. However, I've just gone back to it after a couple of years mainly commuting by car. One thing I had forgotten about that everyone knows is that there is always The Crazy Guy on the train/tram/bus. I am the person who the drunk/high/deranged person sits next to, and I don't know why. I think it must be a vibe I give off - and here I was thinking I was giving out "stay the hell away from me" vibes. It doesn't matter how much I dissuade people from talking to me - ie, using my mobile phone, visibly nodding along to portable music, etc etc, whatever I do, I still end up having crazy people talk to me! This has happened to me my entire life, even when catching the train to school.

An example that sticks in my mind: a few years ago I was on a tram and a very nice elderly lady sat next to me ("thank god!" I thought, "a normal person") and proceeded to tell me how some races of women have a thick ridge of hair growing down their spines branching out at the base of their backs. Insanity. But it does make me giggle.

Tall Tales but True

2006-02-28T20:03:00.000+11:00

I recently started a job in the CBD, Melbourne, Australia. This blog is about my adventures catching melbourne public transport to and from work. Trust me, it's more exciting than it sounds. And other things if I think of them. Huzzah!